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"I AM A MODERN MAN"

Updated: Dec 31, 2020


The late, great George Carlin.


"I’m a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital

and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-

modern deconstructionist, politically, anatomically

and ecologically incorrect. I’ve been up linked and

downloaded, I’ve been inputted and outsourced, I know

the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of

upgrading. I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge,

state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give

you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!


I’m new wave, but I’m old school and my inner child is

outward bound. I’m a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-

hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-

degradable. I interface with my database, my database

is in cyberspace, so I’m interactive, I’m hyperactive

and from time to time I’m radioactive.


Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the

wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I’m

on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I’ve got

no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge

and purge. I’m in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top

and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile,

medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart

bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I

tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory

laps. I’m a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk,

rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging

workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in

denial!


I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a

personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t

shut me up. You can’t dumb me down because I’m tireless

and I’m wireless, I’m an alpha male on beta-blockers.


I’m a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but

fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-

maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-

definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last!


I’m a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case

pre-maturely post-traumatic and I’ve got a love-child

that sends me hate mail.


But, I’m feeling, I’m caring, I’m healing, I’m sharing-

- a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver.

My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short

position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its

own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy

junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I’m gender

specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose

intolerant.


I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the “F” word

in my emails and the software on my hard-drive is

hardcore--no soft porn.


I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-

van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane.

I’m toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in

all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized,

hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically-

formulated medical miracle. I’ve been pre-wash, pre-

cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-

packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped,

vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband

capacity.


I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal. Lean and mean!

Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard

to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride

with the tide. I’ve got glide in my stride. Drivin and

movin, sailin and spinin, jiving and groovin, wailin

and winnin. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the

pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party

hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hangin in,

there ain’t no doubt and I’m hangin tough, over and

out!"


#aob #verse #humour #youtube #video

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