• Paul Rutherford


Updated: Jun 10

"A man who is tired of London…

...has been accosted by three freesheet vendors in as many yards

...is in a coffee shop being asked if he wants a Danish (as if he doesn't have the whit to make that decision for himself while he was standing in the queue)

...has a headache from the preponderance of 'street furniture' telling him all the things he is apparently too untrustworthiy to do without Health and Safety advice

...has paid £10 for two teas in a hotel

...has been pushed off the pavement by an oaf who was texting while he was walking

...is sitting next to a clique of young women who say 'kinda like' in every sentence

...wonders which part of 'stand on the right' is too complicated for people on escalators

...can't get on the rush-hour tube because a family of seven has decided that each one needs a backpack like Sir Ranulph Fiennes - and have brought the pushchair for good measure

...is listening to an announcement from Tube Central, saying that there's a good service running all lines, while he waits quarter of an hour for a Circle Line train

...has been charged £2.25 booking fee and £2.50 postage for theatre tickets that already cost the GDP of Bolivia

...can't make up his mind which movie to see, as the posters for all of them proclaim that each one is a 'masterpiece'

...hopes the Pound strengthens against the Euro very, very soon

...didn't bring an umbrella."

#jottings #samueljohnson #humour #London

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